Disappointed is an understatement

He didn't come to our first IVF appointment!

Tears.....

Wishing upon a star..

Sometimes I wish that things were so different....

I love my husband and we have a very very good life, barely ever wanting for anything. In fact at times I think we are able to buy what we want, when we want it, way too easily. So when it comes to something that's not materialistic.. like a baby, which I WANT desperately, it has thrown a spanner in the works being so hard to conceive our second child. 

There is nothing on this earth that I enjoy doing more than spending hours playing make believe or dress ups with my little girl, or even reading her favourite book 27 times because it makes her giggle and smile. 

Then I watch her father with his short fuse and hot temper get frustrated at all the "daddy" demands for attention and I wonder if I really did pick the right man for the job? Recently he seems preoccupied with relaxing on the couch after his stressful week and would rather immerse himself in xBox games and crime shows or out on boys nights, than running around the house with his beautiful daughter. 

We have being trying to conceive now for over a year, with no luck. Tomorrow we have our first IVF consultation and so I'm worried that he doesn't want this to work either! Why do I feel this way? Because he has been making excuses to not complete some of the initial and very vital paperwork which has to be done and approved before we can begin.

Well finally we have the signed and witness documents.. Yippee!!

Now if only they didn't take 10 days to be processed we could get the ball rolling a hell of a lot sooner.... 

Stay turned for updates on our progress...

The verdict is in..

After months and months and months of heartache and disappointment, I finally know what we both need to do to have another baby. 

We've completed the obligatory and procedural tests to confirm the underlying "secondary infertility" issues and it seems that we do indeed need some help. I won't go into the finer details but needless to say, I really wish I'd called my Obstetrician, questioned our situation and begun these tests a whole lot earlier!

On January 17th our journey with Monash IVF will begin. 

This conjures up a myriad of emotions and I cant explain whether I am excited or scared, but the thought of NOT being able to have any more babies at all is absolutely devastating to me. 

At this stage I have made a choice to only tell my Mum, Dad and best friend, (who is having an IVF baby), why we are starting IVF. I can trust them implicitly to not tell any one else until we know what our chances are like. I am not at all ashamed or embarrassed about IVF, I just don't feel that my mother-in-law could keep it to herself long enough to be trusted.

What is IVF?   

IVF treatment involves the collection of eggs from the woman, sperm from the man, placing the egg with the sperm in a culture dish in a controlled environment in the laboratory, to create an embryo outside the body.  The resulting embryo is then placed back into the woman’s uterus in a procedure called the embryo transfer.

If more than 2 embryos develop, the remaining or surplus embryos can be stored by freezing for transfer in subsequent cycles. Replacing thawed embryos in subsequent cycles, therefore, is a much less demanding treatment.

The sequence of steps for an IVF Treatment Cycle:

1. Suppression of own hormones using nasal spray ( & contraceptive pill)
2. Follicle growth (stimulation by injections)
3. Ovulation timing (based on blood tests and ultrasound scan)
4. Collecting the eggs from the follicles using the ultrasound scanning machine
5. Collection and preparation of sperm
6. Insemination of eggs with sperm
7. Assessment of fertilisation
8. Embryo transfer to the uterus
9. Embryo freezing
10. Pregnancy blood test
11. If pregnancy is confirmed, further blood tests and an ultrasound will be required. 

Please, Please cross your finger and toes and pray that this works for us, as I couldn't bare not to be able to feel more mummy love from a newborn bubba!

If you are having any issues falling pregnant, contact your GP or OB ! Don't waste any time at all !!

Resources:

Melbourne IVF

Monash IVF 

Feeling silly..

A close friend, knowing my situation and increasing frustration at not falling pregnant, has sent me her remaining ovulation test strips. She is now 4 months pregnant, so no longer needs them! 

I had used these last month around days 12-16 of my cycle but they gave me nothing, nope NOTHING! I was of the opinion, having tried something similar earlier in the year, that they just don't work for me.  

BUT then this morning on day 17 after the ten minute wait for the strip to process the "wee" I get a positive reading... umm, s'cuse me... I'm confused... WHAT ??? So if this is right I will ovulate in the next 24-48 hours!

I feel quite silly now, as all this time perhaps I've been getting my ovulation days wrong?  

Hmm.. What will my Ob say to me, (in-between hysterical laughter I'm sure), about getting pregnant now?  


1. GO HOME AND TRY AGAIN!
2. AHH, GO HOME AND TRY AGAIN, AND 
3. YES, YOU HEARD ME, GO HOME AND TRY AGAIN!

My new fear..

Time has been flying by this year with my beautiful little toddler growing into an amazing little girl. She will be two in March and around this time I am also due to go back into the work force and I will freely admit "I'm absolutely terrified" !! Its been almost two years since I went on maternity leave and I am afraid my brain and all the knowledge encased within it has turned into merely a storage vault for nursery rhymes, children's games and creative food ideas!

This however is not my only fear... 

My hubby and I have been trying for bub #2 for about 8 months now and so far its been fruitless. We have never deliberately avoided falling pregnant since Sara was born, its just never happened. So lately my mind has been working overtime thinking of all the things that could be wrong with me or hubby. I am becoming an emotional wreck. I break into tears at the drop of a hat or at the sight of a 'Huggies' ad on TV. 

I have been seeing a Dr who specialises in Chinese Medicine for acupuncture and Chinese herbal supplements, but it doesn't seem to be helping this time round. Panic has set in, (I'm 40 next year), and so I desperately made a time to go and see my GP for some sound advice. As expected I had to have a blood test to check my hormone levels are fine and my thyroid to make sure it is all working OK. Results came in last week and everything came back fine. 

In the meantime I have had an appointment with my Ob to see what her opinion might be on where we go from here...She had asked me to get some more specialised blood tests done and an ultra sound called a "levovist". 

Have you had one of these and how did you find it?